A: So I was sitting in my cubicle today and I realized that ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day you see me, that’s the worst day of my life.
B: So what about today. Is today the worst day of your life?
A: Yes.
B: Damn that’s messed up.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
Regardless of what faith or non-faith or atheistic school in which you belong, love is a universal concept with which we are all familiar. I believe that love in its truest, purest form embodies all of the nine qualities that I have listed as ONE (Galatians 5:22-23.) Such love transcends everything else that we know in this world.
I saw this link on my friend Roch’s page: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/4417354.stm
It is a few weeks old, but please read the story.
(Roch’s blog- http://www.roch-hard.blogspot.com/ - he always has interesting blogs.)
Defiance:
I’m sick and I’m twisted
I’m broken you can’t fix it
Don’t make me, cause I’ll do it
Red button and we’ll all go
No, this is not describing my current state of mind, it’s just a line from a song that I’ve been listening to these past few days. What do you think? "River Below" by Billy Talent. Great song.
I have realized all the things that I’ve been taking for granted in my life back home. I can walk down the street without having trees fall on me in typhoons and not have to worry about suicide bombers setting themselves off at restaurants I eat in. Furthermore, I’ve never had to “be careful” with certain situations and people so much and so consistently before.
AND to top it all off, my favourite blog has passed away into the Great Void.
For my blog today I am going to throw an idea out into the open inspired by my recent MSN conversation with my godbrother GBF.
It all started when I asked him what he thought of the possibility of creating a car that could run on pollution by converting it into clean breathable air. A little idealistic I know, since my friend Neal crushed all hope of this ever happening by explaining how it will never work. Can’t blame an Arts major for not knowing! (Yes Neal, that is still my excuse for everything.) Although, deep down inside I still harbour some hope that it could one day be possible. With technology advancing the way it is nowadays and able to mimic so much, why can’t they find a way to create a machine that can imitate how trees are able to convert carbon dioxide into oxygen? Anyhow, GBF said a more feasible option –other than my non-existent and impossible invention of an oxygen-creating vehicle would be to encourage more public transit and … hydrogen buses. Since I’m not a scientist or know very much about it please take all of this with a grain of salt.
What GBF said was good- to encourage more public transit. But with the world as it is now, people who have the means to not take public transit most likely won’t. Therefore, to solve this problem you have to start with each individual. If people could be convinced to purchase more environmentally-friendly cars it wouldn’t alleviate the problem of pollution in the environment but at least it would help by ceasing to aggravate the problem. Apparently hydrogen combustion is a lot cleaner and a lot better for the environment. Now don’t laugh, but here is a link that contains some information regarding hydrogen combustion- http://www.hydrogenhighway.ca.gov
Next, there is the problem of cost. Environmentally-friendly cars (hydrogen combustion) are a little more expensive for what you get when compared to other cars. But really, what would you do with a Hummer for example? Why would anyone need a Hummer in city streets? Or even in country streets? When did it become the “in” thing to pollute the environment by purchasing a blatantly environmentally-unfriendly vehicle? (And yes, I know there are other vehicles, but I am picking on this one today for my blogging purposes.) If you have that much money to tie up in a car why don’t you spend that money on something more worthwhile and help the environment at the same time? That’s just a thought for all of you would-be car purchasers.
This is where the government comes in. Maybe if the government proposes to subsidize a portion (or a larger portion) of the cost of all vehicles that run on hydrogen combustion or allow tax breaks (write-offs) for purchasing such vehicles then maybe people would be more inclined to purchase them. And here is my grand idea! I think China is in the perfect position to start promoting environmentally-friendly cars. The economy in China is growing and is just starting to grow in a lot of areas. This means people (though still a small percentage of the ENTIRE population) will have some more purchasing power. If the Chinese government wants to do something good for its people (and the world), they should seize this opportunity to influence people to make wiser and more environmentally-friendly choices. First, if China wants to maintain its position as a Communist state and have the world see Communism as a good thing for once, perhaps they should seriously consider taking the lead in environmental issues. Having the world’s largest population (thanks Will), China is ethically obligated to make responsible choices. Communism should promote the well-being for all, and if China adopts an environmentally-conscious policy then maybe people will begin to see modern Communism in a better light. Second, they are in the prime position to implement these policies as the growth in their economy is fairly new and the Chinese people (the average worker- not wealth-handed-down,) have not yet fallen into purchasing habits as North Americans have. Their purchasing behaviour and choices can still be influenced if subsidiaries and tax breaks are given for environmentally friendly cars. (I do have another argument to add to this in regards to the importance or ‘marketing’ but it will not fit in this blog.) Third, this is in the best interests of the Chinese government- even if they do lose $ by subsidizing these engines. China wants to become a world leader. The US definitely is not backing major environmental issues ie. the Kyoto Protocol- therefore, China should step in. They should take the lead and commit to the environmental standards required in the Protocol. If China is able to do it, then there is no reason why other states can’t. Besides, this is what Communism SHOULD have been about in the beginning. It should be about the commune (world community in this case) and NOT the individual (national interests).
So I am going to leave my argument here. These are just some ideas thrown out- I do realize there are many loopholes in my argument as it stands in the above paragraphs, and I do stand to be corrected. I do have other arguments as back-up that I have not posted and would love to share them with anyone who cares to challenge any point I have made. In fact, if anything I have written is completely ignorant and wrong I would like to be told so. Let me hear your opinions.
I just noticed that my blogs are disappearing as I am posting them. I never knew Friendster Blogs did this. I guess it’s because I’m not paying some type of fee to keep my blogs archived forever and ever… But that’s okay, I’ve accepted the ephemeral-ity (?) of certain things in my life. It’s such a paradox though, to accept the ephemeral as a constant. I’ve thought about subscribing to another blogging site that won’t delete all my blogs but I kind of like the idea that my blogs will one day disappear into the Great Void- it just feels right.
On another note, I’ve been thinking over quite a few things and I think I’ve made up my mind on one thing finally. Mistakes happen for a reason right? I think to myself, I’ve been here before and I don’t need to stay any longer than I already have. So, I’m making a decision to leave this “place,” or to theoretically “drop it like it’s hot” as some would say. It’s one thing when you think what your intuition is telling you to do is the right thing (usually the best thing,) and it’s another when you already KNOW in a more tangible sense physically/mentally/emotionally that you can’t keep switching yourself on and off like a light bulb. Sometimes you just end up wishing that mistakes DON’T happen- and I’m not talking about your own mistakes, but peripheral mistakes. Is it selfless or selfish to wish that whatever image you had wasn’t tainted? Because you believed and truly thought that image you had of something good, and simple, and real existed and you know you could have gone on believing blindly in it without asking for anything because you are just that type of person to want to believe that all things are innately good. I’m not sure of that answer right now. I just know I wish that that image I had was never tainted. Maybe it is a selfish wish- to wish that what you believed in stayed “good, and simple, and real,” because now that it’s not, it hurts.
"If there is one notion I hate more than another, it is that of marriage: I mean marriage in the vulgar weak sense, as a mere matter of sentiment; two beggarly fools agreeing to unite their indigence by some fantastic tie of feeling- humbug!"
I like this statement not necessarily because I agree with it, but because it is bold. (Whether or not I agree with it- well, for those of you who know me should know my answer.)
There is no work tomorrow and because I’ve slept earlier, I can’t fall asleep now. Instead of replying emails to people whom I should be replying, I am going to write in my blog.
Recently, I found out that I have some time off in September. I’m pretty excited about it since I haven’t really been able to take any time off since February. Unfortunately, I don’t get too much time off so I’m not going to be making a trip home. Instead, I’m going to Shanghai with Anne! =) This was definitely good news when I found out because Shanghai is one of the top 3 places left that I want to go to in Asia before going home. The other 2 places I’d like to go to are Bali and Phuket. I think I may only have time to see one more place before next May. But now I’m thinking if I go to one of the two places during my holidays at Chinese New Year, and the other in May before I head back to Vancouver (still tentative) then I still might be able to go to the places I want to see. However my CNY holidays is for about 10 days so maybe I can travel somewhere a bit further, or even try to go to 2 places at once. I am also planning on taking a trip somewhere when I get back to Vancouver in May/June (again, still tentative) but have no idea where. Maybe somewhere in Hawaii, Mexico or Cuba. If I attempt my cross-Canada road trip or my backpacking across Europe, it may be a very prolonged trip. So many choices and I can’t decide. I want to go everywhere.
This brings me to my next thought. Though I’ve enjoyed my stay in Taiwan, I’m not sure if I still want to/should stay. There are still a few important decisions for me to make in regards to staying or leaving but the weaker child-like part of me is dying to go back home to a place with which I feel more confident/familiar. Despite feeling that way, the other part of me wants to try living in a few more places. The desire to want to live in different environments is making McGill look very appealing right now. Even if that means I have another 4 more gruelling years in school to deal with (and in French), I’d be up to the challenge if I get to try living somewhere new. But beyond McGill, I’d like to live in other parts of the world (outside of Canada…or maybe even the far East coast of Canada) as well. So now there are two paths: 1. I can go back home (or somewhere) and stay there and live a mediocre-ly happy life. I’d be satisfied, but that would be all. 2. I could travel and live in as many different places as I’d like. I’d be out of my comfort zone and have to deal with adapting to new places, the loneliness and the instability, but I’d have the adventure, excitement and experience to make up for it. I ask myself sometimes how can I take on choice #2 and be ultimately happy in the end? Spending all that time alone around the world can be fun but then I won’t have the time to settle down and have a family or career (depending on whether or not travelling like that would be part of my future career.) On the other hand, just being satisfied in one place and living a very mediocre normal life doesn’t guarantee true happiness either. We always want our cake and eat it too don’t we?
(Side note- But what exactly is wrong with “wanting cake and eating it too?” I never really understood this expression. If you have a cake, you should be able to eat it- this seems natural. What is unnatural about this expression is that if you have a cake, but you can not eat it. Why would people want a cake that they can’t eat? Does this in turn mean that there is some type of a happy medium between the 2 paths? Because those are the 2 things that I want, and it should be okay to want those things right?)
Anyhow, if you’ve gotten this far in my blog I congratulate you. Just some more of my pointless musings posted online =)
“And if the Summer only knew, that she was losing a friend and a lover too, maybe she’d turn her head and wave.”
A writer writes about a future world in 2046. But what the writer doesn’t know is that the words are really describing the past. Living in the present for the future but really just re-living the past over and over and over…
The train is going towards 2046. Memories coming alive again as if they were something new but familiarly comforting. There is safety in a past that can’t change. Everyone going to 2046 is going there for the same reason whether they are conscious of it or not. But like the Summer, if they only knew what they were losing by going there, maybe they would turn around and wave. Wave to a future that could have been but never will be because of 2046.
(Note: The nature of the following text may be offensive/disturbing to some readers. I apologize in advance.)
*****************
Flashing. Static. Static…Noise. The camera is focussing in on the interior of a cold grey room. There are tiles. In focus. Out of focus. Clearer. Ah… finally, the camera settles on an object and pauses. A still picture of a white bathtub. It is one of those old-fashioned bathtubs that stands on four short legs. It is standing separate and alone. Forlorn. It is clean and it is white- it is pristine.
The water is running and filling the bathtub. There is some steam, but not too much. The water is comfortably hot.
“No, you don’t want to do that.”
“Why not?”
“The soap will sting on cuts.”
There is sense in that she thinks.
“But I’m afraid.”
“Don’t be. Remember, you have already decided. There is no turning back.”
“Isn’t there?”
“No. You promised. You promised yourself.”
“I will be resolute.”
The tap creaks a little as the water chokes to a stop. She cautiously tests the water with her finger. She draws circles and she tries to deliberate.
“You have to get it right the first time.”
She has this part memorized.
“Yes, vertical, not horizontal.”
“That is right. Horizontal cuts will not work. The blood will congeal too quickly, even in water.”
“Then I will only be scarred.”
“You do not want to be scarred.”
“I feel like I am already scarred.”
Resignedly, she slips out of her clothes and slowly slides into the old-fashioned bathtub. It is warm and relaxing.
“Are you sure this is the best way?”
There is a hint of annoyance in its voice. Its patience is being worn thin. It speaks. It whispers in her ear. Its voice is low. It sneers.
“You could blow your brains out but we have already decided against that.”
She shudders at the thought. The carnal imagery makes her sick. She is nobody’s responsibility. She does not want to be anybody’s responsibility. She never has. Sardonically she knows there is nobody anyway.
The water slowly turns pink, and then bright red. And then slowly darkens.
“Close your eyes.”
She did.
She feels light-headed. She feels energy draining out of her body. She feels herself dropping below the surface of the water. Of the blood. She feels a sudden panic but can not push herself out. She has no power. She has been drained. She is drowning and her lungs are filling with the now lukewarm, dark red water in the old-fashioned bathtub. She was not told about this part. It was supposed to be peaceful…but now…Panic. Anger. Fear. Betrayal.
“Good. Very good.”
It sees the panic. It feels her anger. It feeds on fear. It delights in the betrayal.
It is satisfied. It smiles.
Fire.
The camera fades out.
